This is Air Traffic control Ibiza, “sorry to report all holding patterns are full, all commercial and charter flights must divert.”

This is Air Traffic control Malaga, “What do you mean full?”

This is Air Traffic control Ibiza, “I mean full, all my patterns are full I refer you to overlap Radar picture.”

This is Air Traffic control Malaga, “you can’t be…… Oh I see what you mean. What is going on Ibiza? Why are you holding so many planes, is there a runway problem?”

This is Air Traffic control Ibiza, “negative to runway problem, we just have……… Just have all our holding pattern full.”

This is Air Traffic control Barcelona, “full with what, we haven’t sent you that many planes!”

This is Air Traffic control Ibiza, “yes I know but our pattern is full, the… They seem to be holding waiting for something.”

This is Air Traffic control Malaga, “waiting for something Ibiza, what are they waiting for, what are they for that matter, they are showing no IFF numbers.”

This is Air Traffic control Madrid, “ What is going on out there, we all have planes stacking up, Ibiza you need to clear some pattern .”

This is Air Traffic Control Ibiza, “yes Madrid, yes Malaga, yes Barcelona, I know we have a problem, but there is nothing we can do until Connecting flight GA3324 lands.”

This is Air Traffic control Seville, “why, what is the issue with GA3324.”

This is Air Traffic control Ibiza, “no issue, we just understand that when that flight lands the pla…… objects in holding pattern will follow it down.”

This is Air Traffic control Barcelona, “objects, what do you mean, objects?”

This is Air Traffic control Ibiza, “we understand the… the… the objects will land when GA 3324 does.”

This is Air Traffic control Bilbao, “explain yourself Ibiza, what do you mean objects, and what do you mean they will land when GA3324”

This is Air Traffic control Ibiza, “the objects appear to be flying rock formations, they have followed GA3324 since it entered my airspace, and they appear to be carrying MsDemmie’s excess baggage from the UK…………………..”

It was a full house in the halls of Valhalla that night, the feasting was going on apace when a knocking was heard at the great doors.

“Go away” chanted the intoxicated celebrants.

There was a further knock, heavier this time, but still they ignored it.

The doors, great oak and iron reinforced crashed open, the locking bar having broken into a splintering mess of timber.

In he strode, all four great paws padding as he purposefully approached the great raised dais at the head of the hall. As he passed the roughhousing, drinking, eating, feasting celebrants fell silent, there was something in his silent smooth feline gait that made them stop and stare at this interloper to there gathering of Heroes.

Thor the mighty rose from his seat at the head of the table, he was hosting tonight, this night of Heroes.

And in a great roaring voice demanded. “Why have you invaded the All Fathers hall?”

The great cat continued its walk, its fur rippling, its tan and black and cream markings flickering in the firelight. He stood before the mighty Thunder God and in a soft feline voice. “I am Rumblepurr. I have come for my comrade in arms, taken before his time, and brought here.”

All the assembled looked at where the cat was staring, at the large black cat sleeping with a full, feasted belly in front of the great hearth fire.

“Can you prove this allegation?” Roared Thor.

“I can.” Replied Rumblepurr. He pulled from somewhere a rack of nine small hourglasses, six had run their course, and the final three had not yet started to drop into the lower bulbs. “He has three lives remaining.”

Thor looked thoughtful. “And you have come to reclaim him?”

“Yes” replied Rumblepurr, “and to take him safely home.”

Around the hall a series of debates started, the Einheriar proclaiming the infallibility of the Valkyries, while the guesting heroes from other places and Pantheons were shouting for Rumblepurr, who was obviously a Hero in his own right to be given the chance. Finally after much debating and discussion, loud and raucous as you might expect three of them approached Thor and the now sat on his hind legs Rumblepurr.

Thor looked at the three and knew troubles when it approached him, for all of them were known for their minds rather than just their skill as warriors. Odysseus was the first and his cunning was legendary, second was Gilgamesh, the prototype hero of them all and third was Egil, a man known for his poetry as much as his sword arm.

Egil bowed to Thor. “Mighty thunderer, we have taken opinion in the hall, and we say allow RumblePurr the chance to redeem his companion. This will bring honour onto you and onto him.”

Odysseus was next. “Mighty Thor, allow your warrior heart to see the truth, Rumblepurr has risked much in a way we all have risked it in our time, does not his entrance here to one of the halls of the dead, while still living grant him this chance?”

A drunken Herakles bellowed “here, here” from the back of the hall and slammed his great Olive wood club onto the table.

Gilgamesh then bowed before the Mighty host of the hall. “We,” he swung an arm to include the whole hall, who were waiting with baited breath. “Think he should be given the chance, set him a task, and if he completes it, allow his companion to return with him. Should he fail, then he too must remain here.”

Thor looked thoughtful and Loki, ever a sprite of discord whispered into his ear at some length. Thor laughed and smiled and nodded when Loki had finished, and all noted the gleam in the trickster’s eyes.

“He shall perform three tasks, one for each life he wishes to save, and if he beats my champion in two then they shall go free.”

The hall roared approval, and betting commenced immediately. The large black cat had by this time been awoken by the rise and fall of the tumult and had wondered over to Rumblepurr. “What are you doing here?”

“I have come to save you Dante, it is not your time yet.”

“Ahhhh, thank you,” he smiled a broad feline smile. “But be careful, if Loki’s hand is in these tasks they may well be less than fair.”

Thor looked at the embassy of three before him. “Each of you will set a task, as you re so keen on this.”

Three conferred briefly and a drunken Sir Gawaine joined then, obviously with a suggestion from the crowd in the corner of the hall where the betting was fiercest.

Finally Gilgamesh spoke in his silky eastern tones. “It is decreed that the opening task is to race around the hall three times, the one that re-enters fist shall be the winner.”

Rumblepurr smiled, for he was a cat and fast, but his smile faded when Thor named Thjalfi, his charioteer as his champion for the task, for Thjalfi was almost as fast as thought itself.

They stood in the doorway of the hall and set themselves to run on the horn of Heimdall, which he blew the long note to start the race.

They both sped out of the hall and turned left and along its seemingly endless side, for the Hall of Valhalla is huge, holding all the warriors who died, and therefore almost infinite in its denizens.

At the top end Thjalfi stopped, even though he was leading and let Rumblepurr catch him.

“Come into my arms.” He said, “I fear Loki might attempt something and would not see you lose to his machinations, when performing so noble a task.”

Rumblepurr jumped into the arms and settled himself on the shoulder of the runner, as he sped around the hall the requisite three times, and Rumblepurr jumped from there to just beat the runner through the doors.

Odysseus smiled. “I declare Rumblepurr the winner of the first task.”

The hall erupted into a wall of deafening cheers, but Loki looked sourly on.

Thor came forwards and whispered something into Egils ear; Egil looked affronted and shook his head. Thor then bellow something thunderous into his ear and Egil glumly nodded.

“The second task,” he announced in his finest Skalds voice, “is to capture a tail feather from Munnin.”

The hall all looked up the rafters where Odin’s Raven was sat watching the night’s festivities.

Rumblepurr wandered over to Heimdall and weaved his way around his legs all the time whispering something to the God. Heimdall chuckled and smiled.

He stood up, raised in one hand his horn and blew the long note again, its tone ringing around the hall. With his other hand he picked up Rumblepurr and launched him high upwards into the rafters, from where he proceeded with feline stealthiness, to stalk the Raven.

Just as he had positioned himself and leapt at Munnin’s tail, Thor called the Raven down to his wrist, where he plucked a feather and claimed victory. The hall howled at the tactic, and howled again as the scrambling cat fought to keep purchase as it clung to the rafter, now its prey had gone. Beowolf strode underneath and called for Rumblepurr to release, and gently caught the falling feline who rewarded him with a deep purr of appreciation.

Odysseus looked at Thor. “I make that one task apiece, so what will be the decider? We have had speed and dexterity, perhaps a test of strength?”

Thor nodded. “A simple test, he must take me off my feet in a time quicker than I can lift his four feet.”

Rumblepurr purred into Beowolf’s ear. “He agrees, as long as each participant may stand on ground of there own choosing.”

Thor laughed and nodded. “I choose this hall floor.”

Rumblepurr nodded and jumped down from Beowolf and started to slither and slide and caress and generally get under the feet of the Mighty Thunder God, soon twisting and mewing for affection that finally Thor tried to twist too far to caress his silky fur and fell sideways.

Thor grinned when he realised he had been manoeuvred but fussed the warrior cat anyway. He admired this challenger, even if he wasn’t about to let him win.

Rumblepurr then climbed up onto Gilgamesh’s shoulder and gently meowed into his ear until he understood.

Gilgamesh laughing looked at Thor. “I fear you have met your match here Mighty one, he wishes you to lie on the floor, face down and bare backed.”

Thor looked a trifle perplexed but did as he was bid, to many catcalls and cries of admiration at his bare chest. Once safely led upon the ground Rumblepurr leaped upon his bare shoulders and sank his claws in securely.

“Now Thor.” Shouted the heroes “use your strength to remove him.”

Thor went to stand up, but the moment he started to move the claws dug in deeper and firmer and more painfully, and his arms were unable to reach behind to disturb the embedded feline, even a bout of twisting and bucking failed to dislodge the deeply driven spikes in his back. In the end he admitted defeat and Rumblepurr sat there and had a triumphant wash on the back of the God of Thunder.

At this point the great hall doors opened once more and in strode Odin. He looked at the cracked and splintered crossbeam, and his son led on the floor being used as a wash basin by a cat and started to laugh.

“So!” He said, his good eye dancing in merriment. “Here is the mighty foe that is vanquishing my sons in my own hall, perhaps I should adopt him instead of you Thor and Loki.”

Odysseus came over to fill in the Lord of Valhalla on the events but he waved him away. “I am aware of tonight’s events.” He said, “Loki has filled me in.” And with that he laughed louder and further.

Thor looked up at him, slightly hurt, and Odin grinned. “Did you not know that Dante had merely taken refuge from a storm here, he has been free to leave all the time…”